Learning to Trust

During this first week of sabbatical I have found myself thinking many times about the church and various facets of her life.

I wonder how VBS went....

     I wonder how last week's offering was.....

           I wonder how many people will come to hear my friend Ron tomorrow....

Of course, I have also been wrestling with some personal issues.

I wonder what's wrong with the jeep....

     I wonder how Shaw will do in his tournament....

           I wonder how I will feel in a few weeks of this process....

In the midst of all this, God seems to continue to ask me the same question over and over again - "Stephen, do you trust me?"

Well of course the answer is yes, but there is something different about trusting God when you aren't in a position to take action.  I have always been a firm believer that we live in the tension of trusting God and still working with everything we have to be co-creators with Him in life.  As John Wesley said, "God gives us holy, sanctified reasoning."  In other words, while we trust God we also use our God given talents, gifts, and brains to move through life, working to accomplish things with Him.  As I said a few weeks ago - pray as if everything depends on God and work as if everything depends on us.

But this first week of sabbatical I have been confronted with the notion of needing to trust God without the partnership of action.  The actions I am supposed to be taking right now are letting go, resting, slowing down, etc.  That is in direct opposition to what I have done my whole life,  just dig in and work harder!  

So this first week has been harder and different than I anticipated.  I thought I would experience a real sense of relief.  A big, "Ahhhhh...this feels good."  But what I have actually experienced has been very different than that.  A big, "Hmmmmm...this is harder than I thought."

I suppose this is just further evidence that sabbatical is what I need. 

"Lord, I do trust you. Now help me to keep learning just what that means!"