Wednesday, February 27, 2008

More Questions Than Answers

So I've been wrestling lately with the reality of trying to live in the balance between acting in faith and using our brains to make good decisions. There really is a holy tension there that I think we must maintain if we are going to live well. We have to be people of faith who are always willing to step forward into the unknown with God, and yet realize that he inhabit us by the power of His Spirit to even help sanctify and guide our thinking and reasoning power.

The thing that is so hard for me right now is how this impacts my life as a leader. As someone who has both been called and chosen to be in a position of leadership, how do I help challenge people to step out in faith, and yet also guide us in holy wisdom? When is it time to press forward without knowing where we are going to land, and when is it time to make serious plans and use the creativity God has built within us to come to wise decisions?

I am more full or questions right now than I am answers. That's for sure!

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Does This Still Work?

So here I am wondering if I still remember how to use this thing? It's been so long since I have been on here, and I have been so negligent I'm not sure I even know what to do with this. However, I think this could potentially be a great source of outlet for me, so maybe I'll give it a go again, but perhaps with a different twist.

Much of the reason I haven't been on here has been do to the major change in my job within the past 9 months. The bombshell came just before graduation and my mini-sabbatical last April. Lane was resigning. Now what? What was this going to mean for us, for the church, for everything?

Ever since that announcement I feel like I have been walking a tight rope between two opposing and yet, somehow comforting emotions - fear and excitement. It's really hard to put into words, but there are moments when I am so scared I am not really sure what to think. "I have no idea what I am doing. Do these people actually think I know how to lead anything? God have you absolutely lost your mind?" Then I get moments of excitement about what's happening and I can hardly believe I get to be in on this kind of stuff. "I saw that lightbulb go off in your hear just now as I was teaching. You feel like God is calling you to a deeper life? God you did that, and there is no denying it! I can hardly believe this is what You let me do for a job?"

I suppose if it was all one way or the other I would be crazy by now. All fear and I would have quit or been fired. All excitement and I would be so self-confident my head might not fit through a doorway. So I guess a healthy sense of balance between fear and excitement is a good thing.

So I guess I'll just embrace it. I'm excitafraid, and I don't mind admitting it!