Does This Still Work?

So here I am wondering if I still remember how to use this thing? It's been so long since I have been on here, and I have been so negligent I'm not sure I even know what to do with this. However, I think this could potentially be a great source of outlet for me, so maybe I'll give it a go again, but perhaps with a different twist.

Much of the reason I haven't been on here has been do to the major change in my job within the past 9 months. The bombshell came just before graduation and my mini-sabbatical last April. Lane was resigning. Now what? What was this going to mean for us, for the church, for everything?

Ever since that announcement I feel like I have been walking a tight rope between two opposing and yet, somehow comforting emotions - fear and excitement. It's really hard to put into words, but there are moments when I am so scared I am not really sure what to think. "I have no idea what I am doing. Do these people actually think I know how to lead anything? God have you absolutely lost your mind?" Then I get moments of excitement about what's happening and I can hardly believe I get to be in on this kind of stuff. "I saw that lightbulb go off in your hear just now as I was teaching. You feel like God is calling you to a deeper life? God you did that, and there is no denying it! I can hardly believe this is what You let me do for a job?"

I suppose if it was all one way or the other I would be crazy by now. All fear and I would have quit or been fired. All excitement and I would be so self-confident my head might not fit through a doorway. So I guess a healthy sense of balance between fear and excitement is a good thing.

So I guess I'll just embrace it. I'm excitafraid, and I don't mind admitting it!